MARRIAGE - BUT ONLY IN THE LORD

Few decisions we are called upon to make during our life time span are as important as that of matrimony. Though many may choose rightly in the greatest decision of all, to accept the plan of salvation, they become sidetracked and again lose grace with God when it comes to matrimony. It is heart-breaking to see so many of our own children droop and die in sin so young in life because there was a lack of spiritual depth, possibly because we as parents have slept instead of fulfilling our responsibilities.

The importance of humble consecration for such an important undertaking cannot be overemphasized. The Bible teaches plainly that this step is to be taken "only in the Lord." Though it is but for this life, the effects will reach into eternity. Many will be lost because of a foolish, carnal decision which later plunged them into discouragement from which they never recovered. On the other hand those that humbly follow the voice of God throughout their lives, taking this step in the fear of God, can expect many blessings in this life already.

If you will allow. God would like to give you a special preparation so you will be ready for the unknown future that lies ahead as you contemplate matrimony. He wants to remove the dross from your life and the scales from your eyes to where you can confidently place your hand into His. You need wisdom and vision far beyond your own capacity. The appalling number of broken marriages and divorce cases all around bear testimony that you can expect visits from the adversary to test your marriage. How fortunate for those who can then say, "God has brought us together and we can confidently trust Him to lead us through."

There is ample information available on the subject of matrimony right within our circle written out of godly concern. The sincere seeker will find explicit directions in the Bible emphasizing purity of heart and body. Others, like brother John Holdeman, have with a concern for the future welfare of the Church, elaborated more specifically on a proper scriptural procedure for those contemplating marriage (Mirror of Truth "Concerning Matrimony" page 400). We have additional, sound instructions applicable especially to our present generation in the book, "The Christian Home". If our readers will have thoroughly applied themselves to these sources of information for their help and earnestly sought the face of the Lord, they will have the necessary information for their guidance. There is a sad neglect today of reaching out to the sound information available for our spiritual welfare in any area. Could we stimulate a revival that we really want to know our true heart condition?

Now a few words to parents: Too many carnal parents become overly anxious to have their children (especially their daughters) get married early lest they remain single. Instead of trusting this to God, they will take the matter (sometimes unconsciously) into their own hands, pushing their children (and also themselves) out onto "thin ice." This can be done by trying to have the children become popular in the surrounding society, especially advocating the need of more youth movements so they will become better acquainted. This is often associated with a permissive, carnal standard in dress, conduct, company and speech. These parents will permit the youth to gather, mixed, right in their own home. The parents will then exit so as not to interfere and allow the youth to fend for themselves. Recreation rooms with games may even be provided for their entertainment. When together with the youth some parents will even tease one or the other about a boy or girl friend. This is carnal, wrong, and could cause untold damage. Others will provide or allow children to own their own vehicles at too early an age, causing temptations they are not ready for. Still others, though somewhat more careful, will not be to concerned where the family car goes. Too often there is the attitude of "Enjoy yourselves - have a good time." We have too many spiritual and matrimonial casualties because of this and who will shoulder the blame? How will you, father and mother, answer before God on this account?

Parents, as well as the young Christian, need to come to a place where they can have deep confidence in God in the area of matrimony. God has planned marriage, generally speaking, for most of the human race. As the true and humble Christian follows into this area, proceeding according to the will of God, he can expect many blessings. At the same time, God will also give grace to fortify him for trials that lie obscured in the path before him. God has wisely hidden these from view. but the challenge is to trust Him for the future.

To get married is not necessarily the ultimate in life, and can easily end in tragedy if begun in carnality. It is a lot better to remain unmarried than to end up with a marriage failure due especially to taking the carnal approach. A word to you sisters that have already reached the stage where you will not marry young: keep a firm hold on God's hand. There is a definite need for sisters like you within the Kingdom. Apply yourselves to useful service. Who knows, someday you may be called to fill a special place as wife and mother. God grant us more sisters who remain faithful to God and the Church especially during their youthful years, not yielding to the pressures of getting married outside of the Lord and His Church. It is a tremendous risk and we have many with deep regrets who have yielded. Do not expect that your case would be an exception- this is a very common deception.

There is much emphasis on courtship and dating today. This evil has found a deep inroad into many so-called Christian circles, leaving within its path many heartaches and regrets. Many parents think the term courtship does not apply until young people will go out into pairs alone or indulge in petting or kissing. This is a sad misconception because Satan has by this time gained a strong foothold. This evil, and grace robber, needs to be dealt with much earlier.

Because of courtship, Christians that could otherwise be strong and useful in God's Kingdom have become spiritually wounded (some have even died) marring their wedding day with a guilty conscience, reaping the bitter fruits of sin, requiring Church discipline. If premarital courtship were in God's plan, surely there would not be as many casualties because of it. There would also be more evidence that courtship was helpful. The contrary is true. It has been said that the world has courtship, marriage, then nothing (or divorce) while the Christian has nothing, marriage and courtship, resulting in a life of caring for each other's welfare; bringing them true and lasting happiness.

The sex urge is one of the strongest in the human body. God has divinely planned it this way for the continuation of the human race. However, Satan in his deceitfulness, and because man chose to follow him, has so exploited this area that there is little sanctity left in this world. As a child of God you are called to live above the "lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eye" (1 John 2:15-17). You are called to have pure thoughts (Job 31:1; Philippians 4: 8). This is basic in order to live victoriously. This battle will often be hard, but make God the source of your strength through much prayer and Bible reading. Memorize fitting Scriptures which can be recited during severe tests. Sing some fitting hymns. By all means avoid filthy literature -stories of courtship, romance, obscene, enticing pictures, guard your eyes against that second look. Keep your body pure and undefiled of secret sins. If your life is cluttered up with impurities and other obstacles, go to some consecrated brother or sister and open up to them in confidence. God wants you to be in the liberty of the Spirit.

Suppose you start courting. It is not difficult for the carnal heart to become attached to someone of the opposite sex. It may feel like genuine love, but remember that this type of love is blind. As you continue, you may not see the qualities you were looking for in your partner. You may try someone else and possibly come through with the decision that this is it. You marry. Trials will come and you begin to question, "why did I not take the first one?" This happens all too often in cases where courtship was tolerated and can cause serious problems. Supposing you reconsecrate after having indulged in courtship and God gives grace for a successful marriage; your former contacts will remain as unappreciated blots in your background. Then also, while indulging in courtship you will find it very difficult, if not impossible, to get an impartial proving as to whether your partner is the proper choice.

How can you live above carnality if you choose to be together, especially alone, with those of the opposite sex? We are to flee youthful lusts (2 Timothy 2: 22). Notice the word "flee" It does not tell you to stand firm and face the temptation as we read of some other instances. It says RUN. Why? Because this temptation is of that nature. For a good example please read the story of Joseph in Genesis 39: 7-12.

You can be assured that God is much interested in your matrimonial welfare. He has created that longing you have in your heart for a life partner. Pray till you come through and can trust Him. To do this may take more than just prayer. You may have to deal with some things too. As you get through to Him your, anxieties will subside. You will not need to take matters in your own hand as to who will be a suitable companion. God knows. Ask Him to reveal His will for you. Ask Him for direction, wisdom and grace to prove rightly. He knows far better than you do, young brother, whether that certain sister would make a good wife for you. It is far safer than your proving would be by courting her. This is a secret you share with the Lord. There is no need, and it would be completely inadvisable, that you should inform that sister (by word or action) of what is going on in your heart at this time. Many fall here, feeling they have an obligation, and thus courtship starts. Be resigned as to how and what God will reveal. You dare not be choosy. This is often the sad mistake in courtship. God knows what temperament will fit yours best as you walk in harmony. You might choose beauty, wealth, social status or prestige, only to reap bitter regrets later when the test is on.

If you receive a stable conviction for a certain sister and you feel the Lord would have you move forward, if at all possible consult with your parents (or if not convenient, with your minister) on the matter. They are concerned for your welfare and can be a real help to prove and give counsel. If the way is clear to proceed, your parents should then make the proposal through the minister, to the parents of the sister. This gives further proving for your protection. They can then approach their daughter on your convictions. Sometimes the Lord has, in such a procedure, already planted conviction in the sister, though not always. Now the sister is given a chance to prove whether this is really God's will. If she is consecrated, it will immediately cause her to seek God's face in prayer for guidance. She is free to make the choice of accepting or refusing the proposal, according to her convictions. The chances of making the right choice are a lot greater this way and the blessings of God, His Word, the Church, parents and ministers can go with this procedure.

At this point it becomes very important that both, the parents and also the ministers involved, do not betray the confidence invested in them by the proposing brother, especially in a case where the proposal is not accepted by the sister.

The return answer from the sister to the brother is via the same procedure as the proposal was received, only in reverse. If the answer is "yes", normally a visit can be planned where the brother and sister come into one another's presence, preferably in either of the parents' home; the engagement can be confirmed and a wedding planned. It is wisdom, if at all possible, to avoid a long engagement.

The engagement, however, does not give a license for liberties. It is unbecoming to spend the evenings or take rides alone. Remember, you are not married - carnality can cause serious trouble. "Abstain from all appearance of evil" (1 Thessalonians 5: 22).

A marriage in the Lord will call for a wedding that you would not hesitate to have Jesus attend. There will be no gaudy show of clothes, attendants and frills. There will be no need for rehearsals to march the church aisles for perfection and precise timing. The whole attire will be that of humility and simplicity. There is no call for slipping away from receptions, starting out on a honeymoon and spending the first nights in a motel. Such environment is not conducive to begin the family altar and a Christian home.

A marriage in the Lord is one of true love. Many a marriage has started wrong, some even breaking up because of what happened the first few nights, where lust, instead of love, reigned. There is definitely more to married life than sex gratification and this needs to be borne in mind especially at this crucial time.

There is a lot of deceptive information available today, directed at marriage to stimulate sex, suggesting lascivious practices. These must be avoided to retain the grace of God and purity in your life. It is a false concept to think that marriage dissolves all restrictions. A person is not ready for marriage if he is not willing for a family. Gods wants you to accept His plan that way.

There is a rising need for our ministers to check those that anticipate marriage: firstly, that they are truly consecrated for the step; secondly, that their moral purity and habits are investigated; thirdly, that they get sound, biblical Church sanctioned advice on how to conduct themselves in purity.

Our prayer of well-wishes go with you as you plan your future. Be sure to make it an "only in the Lord" venture and it shall be well with you. The account in Genesis 24 portrays very effectively and beautifully, the procedures that God can bless. For additional guidance read: Psalm 119:9; Ecclesiastes 11:9-10; Proverbs 31:10,11,30.